Thank you for reading, Ann. Reframing is indeed a superpower. If you can reframe, you don't ever lose--you learn to frame everything in positive ways. A much better place to view the world from.
You make great points about Denial being passive vs. Refusal being active. I like that way of looking at challenges. I am learning about TBI from your posts on the subject and this is not something I knew anything about. Thanks for sharing, James.
Thank you Neil. The denial/refusal difference is so important. It’s easy to lump them together but they’re really kind of opposite. Thank you for reading and I’m glad you found this educational.
Wonderful essay, and may I say beautifully formatted as well. I love the bird page breaks.
Not that it’s the same as your TBI, but I have felt many of the same feelings of grief and identity loss when I was completely healthy for 44 years, only to catch COVID and have it turn into disabling long COVID for the past 5 years. I lost many identities: non-profit executive, volleyball player, hiker. I am gently hiking again, but the other two are gone for good, I believe. And yet, I have shifted my mindset to the positive, like you have. I am grateful for so much. And I’m creating new identities that are actually much more balanced than my old ones.
Thank you for sharing this piece with us. It was very impactful.
A term I've come across a lot lately regarding TBI recovery is "ambiguous loss." Essentially when it's hard to pin down what was lost, precisely. I know I've felt it--almost as if too much was lost to be able to articulate it. I can't speak for your experience, but that was one of the first things that came to mind in reading your comment. As you say, however, through loss we can change and grow--more grateful, new, easing back into what we want to ease back into.
That’s a really interesting phrase, I’d never heard it before. I guess there’s a certain grief with these illnesses/injuries that’s just hard to pin down exactly. That feels very relatable. Thanks James.
Thanks for such openness and insight, James. These pieces always make me take a new look at myself. For me, change comes incrementally. I'm turning 50. I'm not as good at things as I used to be. Gotta accept that. My limitations open new opportunities to slow down. Gotta embrace that.
Thank you Nate. Turning 50 is exciting. 50 years of events, of birds, and of choices have all made you exactly who you are, from what I read here, a pretty cool dude. Time makes us less good at some things, better at others—for example, better at, as you say, taking the opportunities to slow down or try new things to fill the space left by what we can’t do as well.
James, thank you for sharing so much with us about your TBI as I feel it really reaches out to so many of us as we learn from you. The photos are beautiful and their stand alone aspect resonates with your writings on reframing. I saw a pair of Osprey flying in unison after I read your article which was uplifting and a kind of synchronicity. I like your handwriting and have always been a fan of yellow tablets.
Thank you, Heidi—I always appreciate you reading. An Osprey, let alone two(!!) is always uplifting. I’ve said it before and I’ll keep saying it: Birds aren’t there for you but they’re there for you.
Thank you so much for reading, Genevieve. That's amazing that you work with TBI and stroke survivors! It's my goal to be a source of inspiration or help for other survivors.
Your precision in healing is astonishing to me, and I’m certain others also. Breaking down the many tasks you are regaining into chewable sizes inspires me. I’m not certain that I have ever looked at my challenges that way.
Looking back at your progress in any area of living your life is enough to call forth courage in all of us….. Your writing skills, focusing on legible and neat or fast. Is an eye opener.
James, your photographs link us all to how you still see the world in your heart (even if you must close one eye to achieve the clarity)
I’m so glad to have stumbled upon your stack, and can witness your achievements.
Thank you so much Teyani. Everything feels easier to handle when we break it down or chunk it out. Be it handwriting as I wrote about here, or even raising a topic with someone--easing our way to what we want to say.
I'm also so glad we crossed paths here on Substack.
Thank you for writing this. Though it's not the same, a lot of what you wrote resonated with me as a late-diagnosed autistic person. A lot of us who are late-diagnosed go through a grieving process, grieving not the loss of things we used to be able to do (though there can be some of that, too - lost skills through accumulated stress that leads to burnout), but of things we thought we might, with enough willpower, be able to do. The diagnosis confirms for us that we will *never* be good at certain things (and we wasted a lot of time trying to be good at it instead of focusing on things we could do and/or seeking accommodations.)
The details about hand writing also stood out to me; I'm the kind of autistic with bad motor skills, so hand writing has always been a struggle. I can avoid it most of the time, but after reading this, I think I'd like to start practicing again.
Thank you, Sarah. I am glad you found this resonant. It's unfortunate you didn't know at the time you'd never become good at something, but at least you were able to pivot or seek accommodations once you knew.
As in the essay let's try to reframe. Rather than a waste, was it in at least some way educational or fulfilling to try? I also often avoided handwriting, but even typing isn't as easy as it was. Thank you for reading and for your comment.
This has really gotten me thinking, and I'll be thinking about this on and off all day. I agree with that reframing, but am struggling with the specifics in this case. So far all I've gotten is 1) I wouldn't be me if my had been different; 2) maybe it's made me more compassionate towards others who struggle; and 3) it's certainly part of what made me into the advocate I am today, for other disabled people.
That really resonates, Sarah. All of this has made me more compassionate, it makes me want to help those dealing with issues like this, I wouldn't be me without this TBI.
Thank you for sharing such personal stories James. I knew next to nothing about the subject but I’m learning more through your posts. I can’t imagine what you’re going through but you seem to have found a way to not let it define you. ❤️
Thank you, Aria. I'm glad you're finding my posts educational. I knew nothing about TBI until I got one; I want to help spread knowledge of one of the leading causes of death and disability. Thank you for your encouragement.
The ability to reframe is a superpower, James. I love how you lean into that. Thank you for this one.
Thank you for reading, Ann. Reframing is indeed a superpower. If you can reframe, you don't ever lose--you learn to frame everything in positive ways. A much better place to view the world from.
Or even if it’s just to notice the beauty in the struggle and the striving. How beautiful it is to try while we still have the chance.
You make great points about Denial being passive vs. Refusal being active. I like that way of looking at challenges. I am learning about TBI from your posts on the subject and this is not something I knew anything about. Thanks for sharing, James.
Thank you Neil. The denial/refusal difference is so important. It’s easy to lump them together but they’re really kind of opposite. Thank you for reading and I’m glad you found this educational.
Wonderful essay, and may I say beautifully formatted as well. I love the bird page breaks.
Not that it’s the same as your TBI, but I have felt many of the same feelings of grief and identity loss when I was completely healthy for 44 years, only to catch COVID and have it turn into disabling long COVID for the past 5 years. I lost many identities: non-profit executive, volleyball player, hiker. I am gently hiking again, but the other two are gone for good, I believe. And yet, I have shifted my mindset to the positive, like you have. I am grateful for so much. And I’m creating new identities that are actually much more balanced than my old ones.
Thank you for sharing this piece with us. It was very impactful.
A term I've come across a lot lately regarding TBI recovery is "ambiguous loss." Essentially when it's hard to pin down what was lost, precisely. I know I've felt it--almost as if too much was lost to be able to articulate it. I can't speak for your experience, but that was one of the first things that came to mind in reading your comment. As you say, however, through loss we can change and grow--more grateful, new, easing back into what we want to ease back into.
Thank you for reading and for your comment.
That’s a really interesting phrase, I’d never heard it before. I guess there’s a certain grief with these illnesses/injuries that’s just hard to pin down exactly. That feels very relatable. Thanks James.
step in the river exactly where you are is a gift few understand.. Thankyou for sharing your wisdom and sending good energy your way
Thank you Nettie! I appreciate you reading and giving your support.
Thanks for such openness and insight, James. These pieces always make me take a new look at myself. For me, change comes incrementally. I'm turning 50. I'm not as good at things as I used to be. Gotta accept that. My limitations open new opportunities to slow down. Gotta embrace that.
Thank you Nate. Turning 50 is exciting. 50 years of events, of birds, and of choices have all made you exactly who you are, from what I read here, a pretty cool dude. Time makes us less good at some things, better at others—for example, better at, as you say, taking the opportunities to slow down or try new things to fill the space left by what we can’t do as well.
One consolation--I'm able to not dunk a basketball just as well as ever.
James, thank you for sharing so much with us about your TBI as I feel it really reaches out to so many of us as we learn from you. The photos are beautiful and their stand alone aspect resonates with your writings on reframing. I saw a pair of Osprey flying in unison after I read your article which was uplifting and a kind of synchronicity. I like your handwriting and have always been a fan of yellow tablets.
Thank you, Heidi—I always appreciate you reading. An Osprey, let alone two(!!) is always uplifting. I’ve said it before and I’ll keep saying it: Birds aren’t there for you but they’re there for you.
Definitely. They have a nest close to where I saw them, a big platform with a jumble of sticks by the airport. Lots of waterways in the area.
James thank you so much for the mention! Your essay is beautiful and filled with such powerful ideas.
I actually work with TBI and stroke survivors, and I find your hope and perseverance so inspiring!
Thank you so much for reading, Genevieve. That's amazing that you work with TBI and stroke survivors! It's my goal to be a source of inspiration or help for other survivors.
Your precision in healing is astonishing to me, and I’m certain others also. Breaking down the many tasks you are regaining into chewable sizes inspires me. I’m not certain that I have ever looked at my challenges that way.
Looking back at your progress in any area of living your life is enough to call forth courage in all of us….. Your writing skills, focusing on legible and neat or fast. Is an eye opener.
James, your photographs link us all to how you still see the world in your heart (even if you must close one eye to achieve the clarity)
I’m so glad to have stumbled upon your stack, and can witness your achievements.
Thank you so much Teyani. Everything feels easier to handle when we break it down or chunk it out. Be it handwriting as I wrote about here, or even raising a topic with someone--easing our way to what we want to say.
I'm also so glad we crossed paths here on Substack.
Thank you for writing this. Though it's not the same, a lot of what you wrote resonated with me as a late-diagnosed autistic person. A lot of us who are late-diagnosed go through a grieving process, grieving not the loss of things we used to be able to do (though there can be some of that, too - lost skills through accumulated stress that leads to burnout), but of things we thought we might, with enough willpower, be able to do. The diagnosis confirms for us that we will *never* be good at certain things (and we wasted a lot of time trying to be good at it instead of focusing on things we could do and/or seeking accommodations.)
The details about hand writing also stood out to me; I'm the kind of autistic with bad motor skills, so hand writing has always been a struggle. I can avoid it most of the time, but after reading this, I think I'd like to start practicing again.
Thank you, Sarah. I am glad you found this resonant. It's unfortunate you didn't know at the time you'd never become good at something, but at least you were able to pivot or seek accommodations once you knew.
As in the essay let's try to reframe. Rather than a waste, was it in at least some way educational or fulfilling to try? I also often avoided handwriting, but even typing isn't as easy as it was. Thank you for reading and for your comment.
This has really gotten me thinking, and I'll be thinking about this on and off all day. I agree with that reframing, but am struggling with the specifics in this case. So far all I've gotten is 1) I wouldn't be me if my had been different; 2) maybe it's made me more compassionate towards others who struggle; and 3) it's certainly part of what made me into the advocate I am today, for other disabled people.
That really resonates, Sarah. All of this has made me more compassionate, it makes me want to help those dealing with issues like this, I wouldn't be me without this TBI.
Thank you for sharing such personal stories James. I knew next to nothing about the subject but I’m learning more through your posts. I can’t imagine what you’re going through but you seem to have found a way to not let it define you. ❤️
Thank you, Aria. I'm glad you're finding my posts educational. I knew nothing about TBI until I got one; I want to help spread knowledge of one of the leading causes of death and disability. Thank you for your encouragement.
You’re an inspiration brother. Leading by example when it comes to resilient response to a significant setback. Thanks for the shout out 👊🏻
Thank you so much, Kyle. Finding your Substack was such a blessing--as I try to live resiliently, your writing always resonates.
After reading one of your writings, for days I am more present in what I am doing. And I am more content in doing it. Thank you.
I am very glad to hear that. Thank you so much for reading.
Thank you, James, for sharing so much here. I also appreciate the McPhee reference- I hadn't seen that.
Thank you, Jesse, for reading. I love that McPhee essay. I try not to buy books of essays just for one essay, but I made an exception for this one.